long weeks

things have been very stressful lately. my schedule is jam packed trying to finish this internship.

i hate coming to the internship. i don't like the station, don't like the crew, and just in general wish i was somewhere else whenever i am here.

the problem is that when i am not here i am in class (awful), at work (terrible), or avoiding my house because i can't stand my roommate.

nothing seems to be going right at the moment. i am even having trouble staying on my diet. I keep wavering. i am not eating enough medifast meals. the problem is i am not eating frequently enough. i then compound the problem by cheating. so far i've remained stagnant and that's no good. i should have lost a lot more weight by now. i also have been slacking from the gym. i cannot wait to sleep tomorrow night and just wake up whenever i feel like it.

it's been so cold lately. i'd love to have a nice warm brownie and hot coffee right now - or a piece of cake/pie!

Wanted to post my weight tracker on the bottom. It's still above my lowest weight after the last round of Medifast.

It's ok though. The pounds are still going down and that's the important thing. I just need to stick with it. I'm so impatient. I want to be skinny RIGHT NOW.

I think I've decided on my goals/rewards.

Goal 1: 255 lbs - new socks

Goal 2: 245 lbs - hair cut and color

Goal 3: 23o lbs - manicure

Goal 4: 215 lbs - new pants

Goal 5: under 200lbs! New shoes

Goal 6: 185 lbs - new sheets and towels

Goal 7: 170 lbs - start transition!!!!

Goal 8: 165lbs - whole makeover - shopping trip

Another Day Down

Today was rough. I had to get up at 9am after not being able to fall asleep until after 2:30. I feel like I've been in a constant state of tired.

Medic time went well. We actually did some training and I thought it was good. D doesn't really seem to get the internship process but at least he is willing to work with me. Sometimes I worry that he's not telling me the right stuff though. I feel like I have to re-check what he tells me. Oh well, it can't hurt.

Work was awful. I am so tired of people getting away with piss poor work. There is one woman here who is completely worthless. She is never working and when she does answer a phone call she handles it completely wrong and makes a mess for the rest of us to clean up. The annoying thing is that she seems completely oblivious to her awfulness. Just like this place.

I'm kicking myself because I haven't been strictly on plan. After Friday's mess up I kind of got back on the wagon Sat. but I missed medifast meals and only had a few meatballs as my "lean&green". Today I was doing good but being up for 21 hours took it's toll. I ended up having an extra burger patty with cheese and not having a shake like I had planned.

Scale was down 2lbs today. 14.4lbs lost. Pants are fitting better but I still am grossly obese and ugly. Hopefully tomorrow is more successful. I really am just exhausted today.

Fell of the Wagon

Friday night we had dinner for Kelly and her kids. My mom and I wanted to do something nice for her since she's been dealing with a lot of stress from her father's death and settling the estate.

I really wanted to stay on plan with Medifast but my mom made paella and Kelly brought a cherry pie. We also had cava sangria. I ate the paella. I didn't want to make it awkward having Kelly over for a dinner I wouldn't even eat. I tried to avoid a lot of the rice and stick with the shrimp though. I had it over salad and only a little sangria. I had a slice of pie though and totally regret it. Oh well. I started right back with the Medifast meals today.

Bad thing is I haven't taken my thyroid medication in a few days either. I've been really feeling off because of it. Today I only ate 3 of the medifast meals and 4 meatballs in place of a lean/green. I'm blaming it on sleeping in too late. Tomorrow will be a perfectly on plan day, including medications. The good news is I played Dance Central 2 for over 20 minutes tonight (straight dancing on the fitness mode) so at least I got some calories burned. My goal is to get a few miles in tomorrow.

I took "before" photos and measurements today. It is really upsetting how obese I am. I can not wait to lose weight. I'm going to try my hardest to stick with this and keep tracking everything.

TomTom and I went to Ikea tonight. I found a great table/storage for the kitchen and for downstairs. I just hope Gigantor goes along with the plan. Desk is finally in place so all that remains is to bring over the file cabinet and bookcase from my old room. Oh and put everything back in place and reorganize the closet. Not looking like that will happen until next 4 day break.

5 days till Cowboy Mouth!

Taco Salad Night

I tried the Taco Salad idea I found on the web. I added bell pepper though and had less lettuce. I was pretty good. My mom joined me but added tortilla chips to her dinner.

I haven't been eating as regularly as I should today and am not at enough water intake so I'm going to chug some before starting a movie tonight. Otherwise I've been on plan since Monday with no problems. I feel fine although I have less energy when I'm working out and am slightly more sleepy. The scale dipped to 265 today. That's like 12 lbs down I think.

I really need to take my measurements so I can track them too. I also need to take a before photo. Aside from dieting related things, I am finally getting a desk in the house tomorrow. I'm also going to IKEA to see if I can't find some furniture to help with the storage mess at the house. TomTom will be helping me so I'm sure we will figure it out.

Today was less productive then it should have been. I'm going to be motivated tomorrow though, I promise. I'm currently stressed out about the paramedic internship. I just don't seem to be on the same wavelength as these people. It makes me so annoyed when their criticisms don't seem to add up at all. Tonight he scored me 2/5 and wrote that I didn't pay attention to taking vital signs. The truth is that I was paying very close attention, in fact I did a full set of orthostatic vital signs. Neither of them noticed though....

I keep telling myself just keep your head down and stick out the time so I can get released, tonight makes me question that though. If I keep getting low scores are they really going to let me take another test? I seriously don't want to have to make this a confrontation though so I'm just going to go with it for a few more times. I do have room to improve so maybe next time I'll blow them out of the water and they will shut up.

Downloaded a physics book to TomTom's ipad. Hope the $14 gets me everything I need for this semester. That would be amazing.

Off for more coffee and medifast bars

Back at It

It is kind of sad to read the last post I made on this blog. I was doing so well at the time and now I'm back at the start and further behind. This time is definitely different. I am more determined then ever and in a place where success will be possible.

I've started Medifast again. I've also decided to use the community, internet, and blogging to support my efforts. I failed to do that last time and ended up stopping the program before finishing and never getting back on track. I think that chronicling my experience will help me identify pitfalls and will also be a great motivation.

So here's where I am at right now. I started Medifast last week. I have had a few "off plan" moments so far, including a drinking binge and eating too many carbs. That withstanding I am down 11.4lbs. I've cut down my exercise a bit but still feel pretty good, not too tired and not too crabby. I'm mostly eating Morningstar Farms patties and frozen steamer veggies for "Lean & Green" but have been mixing up the Medifast meals more than last time.

I really enjoy the Hot Chocoalte with coffee, something I would never have tried if not for the Medifast discussion boards. I'm still winning the 48mile challenge between my brother and my cousin somehow. Tommorrow I plan on getting another workout in, this time maybe adding weight training back in. I also can't wait to shop for some more leans and greens to try out during my break from work.

This post has been all over the place. In the future I'm going to try and be a little more thought out.

To Do List:

Improve blog design

Add an about me

Plan out next shift's meals

find a physics textbook

clean out the laundry room

scrub the kitchen including the baseboards

reorganize the kitchen to make more room/flow

bring desk to the house

purchase something to store stuff in kitchen

ask for a locker at station 12

Day 14

I've spent two weeks on this diet. I haven't been perfect. Most of my failures have been eating all the medifast meals. I need to eat more and more often. Strange that I can't eat enough on this diet!

I am feeling amazing. So much energy. I've been working out like crazy. Today went to BodyPump class that Rik taught. It was soooooooo difficult. I thought I wasn't going to make it. An hour of light (felt heavy) weights all to music. We lunged, we did push ups, squats, bicep curls, should presses, sit ups, triceps, more lunges, dead lifts, rows, etc.

Then I got on the elliptical and went for 50 minutes! I did a little over 4 miles. Slower then usual but still good. I was on intensity level 5 too.

Got a tape measure to track inches lost. I am fitting into smaller jeans which is awesome but I still have a huge gut. I know my legs are stronger and leaner and my arms are definitely stronger. I have improved my cardio but I'm still terrible. I am also terrible at push ups. I think my new goals for this week will be to focus on lower abs and chest. I want to do a push up!!

I guess the hardest thing will be the one I want the most - getting a slim waist. One day I will have a six pack. I am determined.